Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What is eating you?

Do you have something going on in your life right now that is the last thing on your mind before you fall asleep at night and the first thing you think about when you wake up?

You know what I'm talking about, right?  That "thing" that hits you like a ton of bricks before you barely have your eyes open in the morning.  Its reality is a huge weight on your shoulders or a sinking feeling in your heart.  You want to wake up and it be completely gone.

You probably think I'm talking about my breast cancer diagnosis, but I'm not.  I have such a peace about that entire situation.  I am not losing sleep over it nor are my thoughts completely consumed by it.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7 

God is guarding my heart and my mind with His peace when it comes to my breast cancer.

What is bothering me is a reoccurring issue.  It is one I've dealt with numerous times before and thought it had been conquered.  Obviously not.  It reared its ugly head AGAIN last night and stole sleep from me.  It has me all fired up this morning too - I'm venting to you instead of tackling my daily responsibilities.  I just want it to go away for good and never come back!!!  I want to be done with it.  Period.  Lesson learned.  Now let's move on.

But it is also an issue that brings me to my knees IMMEDIATELY because it's so out of my control.  And maybe that's God's point.  Maybe I have been moving away from Him in certain areas of my life and need to turn around & head back in HIS direction.  I need to humbly come before Him and seek His face.  I need to come to the end of myself and remember that every single aspect of my life (big or small) depends on Him.  I have to obey Him - even when it involves other people and it's hard.  I have to be bold, do my part and trust Him with the rest. 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways acknowledge Him,
       and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
Okay, okay.  I get it.  I don't necessarily like the process.  But, I get it.  If only I can keep it this time.

So, what is eating you?  And what is God teaching you?

Loving HIM with all my heart,

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